My silence is no reflection of some still calm ordered existence right now. I'm quite the mess, and honestly, my head and heart haven't been this full of emotion-I-could-burst for quite some time. All around me is the juxtaposition of cosmos and chaos. Order and Insanity. Beginnings and Endings. Love and loss. I know I say this often, but it's more true to me everyday: life is everything all at once. And I am full.
It seems the people I love most (those special special ones who make up my insides) seem to be either fighting grown up battles no grown up should have to fight, or living the best years of their lives...(giving birth to perfect little babies planning weddings and other sweet excetera's ...) And some are doing it all at once. It's a constant roller coaster - the highs and lows of the human heart and existence. Sometimes, just sometimes, life will throw a bone and hand you one 'thing' at time, but right now it's all of it and it's all happening now. And my heart is full for the ones I love.
The longer I live the more I believe that nothing is more important than the people you love. Nothing has more access to the heart and soul than another human heart, and, over the course of your life, if you are brave enough to let even just one person in, you'll have to grow a big heart and wide arms... because life is messy and grey. You must be able to take deep breaths, call on divine strength and realize that there is nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than keeping a tight grip on someone's hand and pulling them through the fire.
It's amazing what kicks in when the chips are down and you have to survive. Even if we're all just hanging on by a thread.
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